Episode 84 Transcription

Welcome to episode 84 of Behind The Mission, a show that sparks conversation with PsychArmor’s trusted partners and educational experts. My name is Duane France, and each week I'll be having conversations with podcast guests that will equip you with tools and resources to effectively engage with and support military service members, Veterans, and their families. You can find the show on your podcast player of choice or by going to www.psycharmor.org/podcast. 

Thanks again for joining us on Behind The Mission, our work and mission are supported by generous partnerships and sponsors who also believe that education changes lives. 

This show is brought to you by PsychArmor, the premier education and learning ecosystem, specializing in military culture content. PsychArmor offers an online e-learning laboratory that's free to individual learners as well as custom training options for organizations. 

On today's episode, I'm having a conversation with Rebecca Nowatchik, Interim Executive Director of Secure Families Initiative, an organization that mobilizes military partners, family members, and Veterans to vote and advocate for their communities, especially on issues of foreign policy and national security. 

Rebecca is an air force spouse and has an extensive background managing successful legislative policy initiatives and corporate campaigns focusing on worker safety and community health. Find out more about Rebecca by checking out her bio in our show notes. So let's get into my conversation with her and come back afterwards to talk about some of the key points. 

DUANE: So Rebecca as a military spouse, it's intuitive to me to understand why you're so passionate about national security and legislative advocacy to help ensure the voices of family members are heard by decision makers. But I'm interested to hear about your journey and why the Secure Families Initiative is so important to you.

REBECCA: Yeah. Thank you. Thank you for having us today and I'm thrilled to share it. I've had took kind of an interesting path to where I'm at now. I grew up with male role models whose military experiences were pretty much shaped by the draft. So my biological father and my uncle both did tours in Vietnam.

My stepfather also served and the lens that the military to me, as a child and as a young adult was fairly complex. I would say, due to their diverse perspectives, growing up, I heard everything in the gamut of emotional remembrance, relating to their service.

Everything from pride to anger, to humor, to pain. My mother, meeting both my father and my stepfather after they had left service, clearly was impacted in her relationships by both of their experiences. And although it was rarely discussed in my family, I had memories of my mother telling me about trying to go to support groups with my father, prior this was way or maybe when it was emerging, PTSD was really emerging as a construct. And, my mom, was also like, a pretty big force as a human being. She was a champion for education. She was a champion for workers' rights. She was an elementary school teacher and really approached teaching with immense creative fire, as she did her activism.

And, I am very much her daughter. It's a little emotional. She passed recently and so it's just still a little emotional for me to talk about my mom. So with all of this background, I met my husband who's currently serving he's in his 22nd year of service. And this was after I worked for about 15 years or so as a community advocate.

As a community organizer, and in the nonprofit sector. And, at the time I met him, he was in the military for over a decade. So my husband served eight years active duty Navy, followed by a career in the Air Force, where he currently is still serving in the reserve. So I like came into the military community with a partner who was pretty well established and, I had the privilege of really having a guide, this wasn't something we figured out together.

He really was able to guide me through, through the, like what to know in a way that a lot of people really don't have the privilege to, to have and experience. He recommended, I get involved on the, at the spouse program on base, which you know, I did and, I met some pretty incredible people.

And I really, my eyes really opened, I think, to people sharing similar experiences, particularly regarding deployments and through some further investigations, I connected these conversations in these shared experiences. They really were like a microcosm, I would say of what, the data shows.

Childcare was an issue. Spouse employment was a priority, and really just the gamut of challenges that come with deployments, which, knowing now, sitting where I'm sitting now is reported, as the main source of stress that creates all sorts of challenges. We know this, right? So I, um, how do I say this? Like, I really, I guess I really am my mother's daughter. I started people who were working on solutions to these challenges and, that's how eventually I found, Secure Families Initiatives. So we're an organization we're pretty new. We're only a few years old.

We were founded by active duty spouses, across branch. And we are made military family member who deeply understand and feel the consequences that decisions over war and peace have here on the home front. And we organize, for solutions. We support each other and you know that's the home we're building.

DUANE: It's very interesting hearing how, as a military spouse, however long you had been a military spouse, you get engaged and you're on base and you're solving problems. But I would imagine for you, it was I don't wanna say it was unsatisfying, but they were immediate problems. And you seem to be someone who engages in long term solutions.

Of yes, we can help the military spouse who's next to me. I can help her with her resume or help him find childcare or something like that. But then as you mentioned in your upbringing, you're saying, how can we make sure that this problem doesn't exist in five years?

REBECCA: Exactly. Yeah, exactly. And we can do both things. And I think we have to, because there are immediate needs that people have. And I also do feel that, our community is great in the way where I have found such encouragement and power and people wanting to help and support each other, which I think, is because we have to.

And so to me, there are just these incredible resilient folks who are, picking up the load and, you know, watching kids and making it work. And so while this is happening, and how community is being built through all of that, and resilience is being supported through all of that.

We also can be explaining and sharing these stories with decision makers who make the policies in the first place, because there, there is a disconnect. I believe, and I think, you, I've heard you say this on your show that because such a small percentage of the greater population has experience with this type of service and experience with this type of lifestyle and community.

So often our stories aren't leveraged, in national policy decisions when they're being made about us in a lot of ways. And so that's what we really aim to do is to leverage these stories and tell the story, the comprehensive, the diverse story of what it's like to currently serve.

DUANE: And to support that service. We’re decades beyond the time when military families, both spouses and children were viewed as irrelevant to a service member's career, or even worse, invisible and unheard. Why do you think it's important for that coalition for the family members and Veterans to get involved in legislative advocacy to make that impact that you're talking about?

REBECCA: I think because there are decisions that impact us. If not on a daily basis on a repetitive, consistent tempo basis. And so, and that, you know, depending on what branch of service you're in, depending on what your career choice is, depending on where you are in your career, right in the career decisions that you make.

And so I think when we're looking at some of these national policies, related to war powers and we're looking at, decisions over our budget, right? The NDA is a great example of this. Like we believe that budgets are about priorities and they're about values.

And, what percentage of the budget is supporting, X versus Z. And so I think it's those complex conversations even if we, as spouses don't know the ins and outs of all the decision and everything that happens behind the scenes. I still think that we have a valuable story to tell decision makers and I think they wanna hear from us because how are they supposed to make great decisions and support our service members and their families, if they don't know what's going on the ground.

And they don't know. And, we're told the spouses over and over again, right? Like mission is crucial. It is our job and our role to ensure that we are prioritizing the mission and that we are keeping things locked down at home. And we are finding other sources of support during deployments.

So we are holding it down and I think that strength also needs to be communicated. And it's something that the Department of Defense recognizes. It's something that I, to me, in my experience is pretty connected to every part of military life. And so why shouldn't we be telling our stories to people that make decisions about us? 

DUANE: And not just the current military story, but I'm thinking back of your experiences as a child of combat Veterans. Like you, my father, three of his brothers all served in Vietnam between 67 and 70. And I didn't know them as service members. I knew them as Veterans. And I went through the same issue.

I was born in 73 and so all of it with the seventies, eighties, nineties, and even as we were a caregiver for my father, but that idea of the family members being impacted generationally. From then to now, but even now, these last 20 years of global war and terror, we now have two or three generations that have been impacted by the current era. And to be able to break that cycle, we need to hear the stories like yours and other family members, both who grew up as children of Veterans impacted by combat as well as those who are currently.

REBECCA: I couldn't agree more. Yeah. and I, it's funny because when I first started meeting some of the folks and became a member of SFI, me having experience, right? Like I worked in the advocacy space, not on foreign policy, but in the advocacy space, I worked in national policy.

I worked in state policy, labor rights. I like, I had a lot, I had some experience and still hearing foreign policy decisions. Right. And, a million more acronyms I need to learn. It's intimidating. And so I think about that in terms of, if you haven't chosen a career path, like I did, how much more intimidating that space can be.

And I think what we're really trying to do is break that down for folks and say that yeah, like you and I, we all have a role to play here. Your experience is valid because it's something that literally, most of the people writing these bills do not have, and it is crucial to us to get at all of the things that you're talking about.

We know trauma is generational. We haven't even yet to explore impacts, on families. Really, and how do we incorporate that and weave that into the conversation, while we're already doing the things that we're already doing.

DUANE: I think that's absolutely critical. And, and you've talked about it a little bit. So the goal of the Secure Family's Initiative is to support partners, family members, Veterans engaging in political discussion. Either as informed voters, that's one of the main things is just learn about in the process of voting. Or advocates on behalf of the military-affiliated community. What can you tell us about some of the programs or some of the policies that SFI is support? 

REBECCA: Yeah, so we work in, I think I can break it down in three buckets. So I think the first is really educating spouses and family members on how to advocate. There is an assumption that I wouldn't say is a universal assumption, but can be assumed that we as spouses have to follow the same rules, our loved ones do when it comes to, being politically active.

And that's not true.You know, there are some rules that, that we have to be mindful of if we're particularly living on base. But we do have a lot of freedom to, to voice our experiences and advocate, in a variety of spaces. And so we, hold virtual trainings, on our rights, spouses and train people on what they can do. And if they live on base, what to be mindful of. Our community, how to meet with decision makers, how to set up your advocacy meeting, how to share your story in a compelling way, how to write a letter to the editor or contribute to an article, how to feel confident talking to press, right?

Cause that can be intimidating for the first time. And we also talk to folks about and hold space around how to have conversations on issues that you care about within your personal network. I think that my experience with my family and immediate friends is, war can be a complicated thing and in, in my experience with the people that I love it also is personal. And we really provide opportunities for practice on how to do that in ways that we each can break down, policies to have these conversations in a way that is beneficial and also allows for diverse opinions. So it doesn't have to be so confrontational.

And I think, we do all this, completely bipartisan, right? So you don't necessarily have to like or sign up for something to advocate for. Really we wanna really just teach you how to be the best advocate you can be. And then what you do with that knowledge is up to them right up to, up to you. We also, as you said, talk a lot about voting and how important it is. So, It's not usually the first priority when you're moving. It sometimes can be the last and, and then even when it is a priority, it's like, where, what am I supposed to do? I don't know where I'm supposed to register.

And we think that all of this, this difficulty with information and where to find it right, and not to mention like the challenge that PCSs can be, it contributes to the lower rate of military voting versus civilians. So to take a look at data rate the voter turnout in the 2020 election, only about 47% of our military community voted. And that looks like about 27% lower than our civilian counterparts. And we at SFI really wanna change that. And so one of the steps spouses and family members can do, we have information on our website, to try to make the process simpler, but we also have an opportunity for folks to get more engaged by joining our voter, volunteer voter ambassador team.

This is a team that basically gets set up with the tools and support to their own drive, in their own communities and, in, within their own network. And then I would say the last piece here, is if for some reason you do wanna take action, on a specific policy, right? We do have policies that we have positions on.

And so, as I mentioned before, we really wanna advocate for foreign policy solutions that impact us. And, that means promoting diplomacy, first strategy, we really believe that the right policies, make our families safer.

And we know that protracted conflicts abroad really exasperate many of the challenges facing military families. As I mentioned before, the speed of ops tempo, rate of deployments can have a direct impact on our lives and people's mental health, service members and also family members, right?

So we host leadership development opportunities, throughout the year where our members can learn more about the details on specific policies, to any conflicts, prioritize diplomacy, and then also be respectful of constitutional war. We do a bi weekly briefing on social media. And, these briefings, give folks the opportunity to learn from each other and other experts on issues like, the, 2001, 2002 authorization and military force also the Department of Defense's 1033 program.

That's a program that transfers military to local law enforcement departments. And then we also recently released a video on the Iran Nuclear Deal. and what the implications of that agreement are on our families. 

DUANE: And so it definitely sounds like in a number of different ways a lot of it is about education. As you mentioned before, even thinking about advocating. If it is something that you're curious about can be intimidating. And again, not to be dismissive, but maybe it is easier just to watch the kids and drop off the lasagna.

Like that's something that we're comfortable and familiar doing but it sounds like there's a lot of education around, what can be done and then what needs to be done or what is being done that, spouses and family members can get involved.

REBECCA: Yeah. I, and again, I just wanna to stress, like we need to do both and I am dropping off of lasagna after this call so, you know and I think that there's something to say about that. We have to do, and we can do both and there. There's so much, I think, unseen labor that goes with the care taking that happens.

When we all take care of each other, the food prep, the informal counseling, right? The being there to lend an ear, the like showing up when it's just a hard day. I think it's specifically that type of labor and that type of community investment we have on each other that gives us the ability and the confidence to be able to advocate for these policies.

And so really looking at that type of work, not as a thing just to do or a thing that's easier. But as the thing that gives you the agency to organize and share your story and share your experience.

DUANE:And ultimately, and this is, as you'd mentioned, it is about saving lives and it is providing that unique military.

REBECCA: Exactly.

DUANE: To things like national security. Yes, absolutely we can support each other in our immediate community but we are a community that cares about, you as a young child, me as a young child of combat Veterans, and the children of current combat Veterans. And  not just to say supporting our immediate circle, but also circles in the past, in the future. So if people wanted to find out more about Secure Families Initiative, get involved, learn some of these things, maybe get back on the briefings how can they do that?

REBECCA: Yes. Folks can, first of all, look us up on our website. So we're at www.securefamiliesinitiative.org. We're also on all social media platforms as well, and fairly active if that's easier or something that folks wanna challenge, like try to do. And I just recommend that, go to our website, sign up for our email list.

That's how we can you'll know about all our upcoming trainings, any type of briefing, or, just reach out to us too. We'll call you back. That's how I got involved. I literally emailed the staff. Like I emailed the executive director, Sarah, and I was like, hey, I really think what you're, doing's awesome.

And she's like, let's talk. And I was like, what? you're great. so yeah, so that's,I hope that folks reach out and, I'm just really excited to keep building with people.

DUANE: Absolutely. And I will definitely make sure that all of those links are in the show notes. Thanks so much for coming on the show today, Rebecca. 

REBECCA:Thank you so much for having me. 

Once again, we would like to thank this week’s sponsor, PsychArmor. PsychArmor is the premier education and learning ecosystem specializing in military culture content. PsychArmor offers an online e-learning laboratory that is freed individual learners, as well as custom trading options for organizations. 

I hope you appreciated my conversation with Rebecca. I know that we spend a good portion of the time with guests talking about their background and what brought them to the work that they're doing. We certainly want to share with everyone the great work that's being done, but we also believe the reasons why people do this work and the stories of the people in the organization are often unheard and unseen. 

And that's why we like to share the stories behind the mission so to speak of the organizations doing great work. And Rebecca's story is a great example of that. Combining her experience of growing up as a daughter, stepdaughter and niece of Veterans and her mother's example of being an advocate and community organizer. It's easy to understand why legislative advocacy on behalf of service members, Veterans and their families is work that she finds herself doing.

Frequent listeners to the show will have heard how my own family service combined with my observations of the current era of combat Veterans led me to the mental health space. We often hear about the longterm impacts of military service on families, but outside of personal experiences often don't recognize how widespread they are. 

There's an understanding of the impact in the short and near term, but we're also recognizing the impact in the longterm. A study in 2013, highlighted the impact of the frequent deployment cycle and children of global war on terror service members, but also show that there can be significant impact on family function as a result of military service. 

I'll provide a link to the article in the show notes. But regardless of whether or not Rebecca and I will describe our families as functional or dysfunctional the military service of our families and our own experiences has an impact on the work that we do. And that further solidifies Rebecca's outlook, that who better to advocate for better outcomes for those who served and those who care for them than the Veterans and family members themselves. 

The stories and lived experience of those who served and their families is critical to ensure that the legislation and policies that are being developed are effective. SFI as an organization can help family members and Veterans do exactly that. 

The other point that I'd like to make is Rebecca's communication about the importance of and the burden of holding it down at home. According to that same study or referred to earlier by 2013, 2.1 million service members have been deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan. 

44% of those service members were parents and of those parents, 48% deployed multiple times. And regardless of whether or not the military parent was married to the other pair, to their children and the lives of those military parents, there were others who were not deployed, who were managing life without them. I cannot overestimate the value of my wife taking care of things on the home front while I was deployed. Military spouse becomes everything when the surviving spouse has gone. Mother father educator, general contractor mechanic, problem-solver, counselor, faith leader. The impact of multiple deployments on relationships can be significant. But the impact of a deployment on each individual in the relationship can also be significant. And just because we're not currently engaged in conflicts as of the time of this recording doesn't mean the burden doesn't still exist. 

Of course the Navy and Marine Corps are still gone for significant periods of time and the Army and Air Force are still gone frequently for training and operational deployments. But the point that I'm making here is one that's in the captain obvious bucket. The current military would not be as effective as it is without the family of those who are serving those who are holding it down to home. 

The military spouse is a critical component of the success of any individual service member and the success of individual service members is critical to the success of the military as a whole. So why wouldn't we listen to those who have lived experience when it comes to policy and legislation? Definitely something to think about.

So I hope you appreciated my conversation with Rebecca. If you did let us know by dropping a review or sending us an email at info@psycharmor.org. We would appreciate knowing that you're listening, what you think and what you'd like to hear about in future episodes. 

For this week’s PsychArmor Resource fort the Week, I'd like to share the link to the PsychArmor course, Leaning In Investing In A Challenging Relationship. 

Being in relationship with the service member or Veteran can be challenging. Just ask my wife. This course is designated for partners of service members or Veterans and provides information to help identify challenges in relationships, promote healthy behaviors through communication and stress reduction skills. 

You can find the link to the resource in our show notes.