Episode 108 Transcription

Welcome to episode 108 of Behind the Mission, a show that sparks conversation with trusted partners and educational experts.

My name is Duane France, and each week I'll be having conversations with podcast guests that will equip you with tools and resources to effectively engage with and support military service members, Veterans, and their families. You can find a show on all the podcast players or be going to www.psycharmor.org/podcast.

Thanks again for joining us on Behind the Mission. Our work and mission are supported by generous partners and sponsors who also believe that education changes lives. Our sponsor this week is PsychArmor, the premier education and learning ecosystem specializing in military culture content. PscyhArmor offers an online e-learning laboratory that's free to individual learners, as well as custom training options for organizations. 

On today's episode, I'm featuring a conversation with the Gold Star spouse, Lisa Hallett, and Wear Blue Run To Remember, an organization that strives to honor the service and sacrifice of the American military through active remembrance. Lisa is the president and co-founder of Wear Blue. On August 25th, 2009, Lisa's husband, Captain John Hallet was killed when his striker was attacked with an improvised explosive device in Southern Afghanistan. Surviving the loss of her husband, best friend and father of her three young children, Lisa turned to running an avid runner. She soon found a community that needed the same kind of support that running gave her, creating Wear Blue gave Lisa a healthy outlet for her grief and a path to move forward, and she's committed to sharing that with. You can find out more about Lisa by checking out her bio on our show notes. So let's get into my conversation with her and come back afterwards to talk about some of the key points.

duane--_26_02-02-2023_161312: So Lisa, I'm grateful to be able to share the story of Wear Blue and the amazing work that you're doing. I know that your personal story is deeply connected to the organization, but before we talk about the work that you do, it would be great to hear about your journey and why you do it.

lisa-hallett--she-her-_1_02-02-2023_151312: Oh, I appreciate you asking that. Yeah, Wear Blue's been a really powerful part of my journey and it is personal for me. My husband John and I, were a military family, and, I loved it, loved the people we met, the experience we had, John deployed in July of 2009 and like we do in the military, three weeks after John left, our daughter Heidi was born.

After that we're about six weeks into the deployment. And, I received the news that no military family wants to hear. My husband John had been killed in Afghanistan and it was overwhelming. Needless to say, I had a three-year-old, a one-year-old, and this three week old baby who my husband had never met, and I quickly turned to running as a way to navigate that loss. A grief was scary for my children. I remember Jackson telling me, mommy, stop crying. You're scaring me. And I also knew that my children had lost their father to war and that it wasn't fair for them to lose me to grief. So I started running and it was how I had navigated the challenges of military life, and we just bumped it up a notch.

But unfortunately, I wasn't the only person navigating loss that year. Fifth Stryker Brigade out of Fort Lewis, Washington lost 41 soldiers in our 2009-2010 deployment to Southern Afghanistan. And as an entire community, were struggling. Even if your loved one was coming home from that deployment, you were terrified how your loved one was going to come home from that deployment. So I was pounding out the miles and the tears, if you will, with a small community of military spouses. And we knew that there was something therapeutic, healing and needed in the steps of these runs.

So we really opened it up and so we met for the first time officially in a Burger King parking lot, right there at Fort Lewis. I'm not sure why we chose that Burger King parking lot, but we did. And we put on our spouse's blue physical training shirts, they said 800 pure whoop ass. They were not designed by me, I can tell you that.

But we put on these shirts and we ran around the airfield and we didn't know what we had, but we knew we had something. And so that next week we came back, and this time we said the name of each of the soldiers who was not coming home from that deployment. And we spoke their names and we carried their stories with us in our steps, and we realized that we were able to give voice to that which was taken away from us.

We were able to regain control of our steps and a world that felt beyond our control, and we were able to find strength and solidarity in this shared experience. And that is Wear Blue Run To Remember was born. A few months later, we ran the Seattle Rock and Roll Marathon. We set, worked toward and achieved a goal that felt bigger than ourselves.

We lined the course with American flags in honor of those guys who are not coming home. And then a few weeks later, I remember going for a run with Erin O'Connor, the co-founder, and she said, what are we going to do? And I just, I needed wear blue. And we talked about it and we knew we collectively needed wear blue. And so that unit came home and honestly, we just didn't have words big enough after that deployment. You just can't capture everything with, I'm sorry, sorry you lost your husband, your leader, your soldier, your friend. But in the steps these weekly runs, we didn't have to have words big enough. We were able to show up for each other, figuratively and literally in these weekly circle remembrances, these gatherings, and that is Wear Blue Run To Remember.

DUANE: I think, and especially at that time when you're talking about 2009, the height of the Iraq conflict was not that much before that, sort of the surge, of course things that were occurring during. If you look at that time between 2003 and maybe 2013, earlier part in Iraq and the later part in Afghanistan, there were not just significant loss, but significant deployments. There were probably, men and women on that deployment who had deployed two or three times before, had already made it back and home and back and home. And I think that was really at a fever pitch of both the deployment cycle, but also the loss started getting overwhelming, especially for those of us who served.

lisa-hallett--she-her-_1_02-02-2023_151312: A hundred percent. I think about when John deployed out as part of fifth Striker Brigade, we had three brigades deployed at the same time out of Fort Lewis, Washington, and it was just,like a ghost town there. And so holistically, we're navigating the intensity, right there is trauma down range. There's trauma here on home soil, unpacking the separation, trying to redeploy, rebuild our families and prepare for the next deployment while also unpacking loss. And so this cornerstone of Wear Blue Run To Remember became instrumental, how we as a military family. And when I say military family, I mean our service members, our Veterans, our survivors, this families who support them, and the communities who are invested in their wellbeing. But it became instrumental for how us as a military family really navigated this complex time.

DUANE: And I think this is the really neat thing about, Wear Blue, is that it could have very easily just stayed as something that happened at Fort Lewis, right? it, it just could have been a local running group. but it became so much bigger. Wear Blue Run to Remember is that rare organization does exactly what it says in the title. You wear blue, you focus on remembrance and you run right. You know, there's, not a lot of ambiguity there, but more broadly, you serve as a support network of individuals connect through the sport of running very specifically. I but this is a,a very unique thing in which wear blue is something that connects people through the sport of running and fitness.

lisa-hallett--she-her-_1_02-02-2023_151312: Yeah, a hundred percent. Listen, my brother-in-law's been pushing for e to remember for years. So give it some time. We might have, a subsidiary emerge. But what is Wear Blue doing? And I think in a lot of ways we're, we're solving for the problem of supporting those impacted by the loss of a service member and the vehicle we use.

It's threefold, it's movement, remembrance and community. Anf bringing those pillars together they're the tools that we need to navigate. Often we think about our surviving family members as the ones who are carrying the weight of loss. And absolutely our over 7,050 families who've lost a loved one since 9/11, carry a very unique loss.

But we also have this broader community of service members who know 20 years of war who also carry that weight of loss. And I think when we stare down, the tragedy of losing our friends, our leaders, our loved ones, we have to make a choice. Are we going to live, broken by that sacrifice or inspired by the lives that were led? Are we going to live the lives that sacrifice was made for? And I hope that in this Wear Blue community, we create the tools and the support that is needed to ensure that no fallen service member is ever forgotten, but that each of us is a member of this global military family is empowered to live inspired with the support of the community.

duane--_26_02-02-2023_161312: No, I absolutely agree. It, but then there's this idea of running, right? Running is a sport. And we had some communication, so I'm a long-distance runner. People look at me, they don't think, running they think football, they think I'm a wrestling coach, right? They don't think that I am a long-distance runner. I describe, I have a marathon mine with a football body. But really running as a sport, it's like one of the only sports where the elite athletes, the Olympic athletes are able to line up as middle of the pack guy like me. And so it, there's a very tarian, thing about running. But it's also very empowering regardless of anybody's level.

lisa-hallett--she-her-_1_02-02-2023_151312: A thousand percent, and I think about that all the time. Wear Blue is all about community and so we can all get behind. We have less than 1% of our country serves and Wear Blue is the vehicle for the 99% to come behind and show your support. But that race starting line is this powerful common denominator we all Tow that start one step, one breath. We all have the same goal of crossing the finish line, so no matter who you vote for, how you live or even what you look like, we are going to share that same stretch of course, and the same satisfaction of that finish line. And I think there is power in those commonalities that we can reach for and achieve.

And that running is step. At the end of the marathon people, it's not how fast you run it, it's no, nobody asks what place. Some people have earned that right , but for the most part they don't say, what place did you finish? You say, I ran 26.2 miles. And that is the accomplishment. And if you look at the Marine Corps Marathon where we build a tribute mile to fallen service members. 30,000 runners will pass through that and have that shared, the shared hardships and the shared accomplishment of that finish.

DUANE: And again, as a runner, like it, it's not, people describe running, especially like long distance running marathons is sort of like a, a type B fun . Not a type A fun where I enjoy it while I'm doing it. It sucks while I'm doing it. And I enjoy the after effects. It, the enjoyment comes later.

But there is a measure of physical effort and suffering and even pain, right? You have to have a level of pain tolerance. But there are some parallels between going through some of these long distance running events, getting through that training, building up and experiencing with the long-term effects of the grief and loss of a loved one.

lisa-hallett--she-her-_1_02-02-2023_151312: I firmly believe that we are not formed whole when life is easy, we are formed in the struggle, like we become our potential when we refine ourselves through hardship and when we set train for and achieve a goal, like an endurance run, we are learning like we're building the muscles of our fortitude to do hard things.

And military life is marked by challenges. Whether it's frequent moves, difficult deployments, dangerous training exercises, all paired with the dynamic uncertainty of a dangerous geopolitical climate. But you take those pieces of hardship and we learn to push through that and we mimic that in the steps of the run.

And so that's why it's been so powerful to continue to share. We have 14 different races throughout the year, and additionally we'll have four cohorts of families of the fallen who wear blue will train to run and complete their first half or full marathons in honor of their loved ones. So rather than giving them something, we ask them to do something hard and scary in honor of their loved.

DUANE: And again there's that measure of sacrifice and through that sacrifice, remembrance, cuz I was out running at four in the morning this morning. So there's a measure of needing to be out there. You'd mentioned the um,the wear blue mile. That's one of the programs that you have?

But I think that's a really meaningful piece of people maybe not familiar with that and, how that you set those up. 

lisa-hallett--she-her-_1_02-02-2023_151312: Yeah, of course. First of all, impressive work on that 4:00 AM run. I felt good about my 6:30 AM run.

duane--_26_02-02-2023_161312: I sleep like a coal miner. I'm in bed at sundown and I'm up way before dawn, so it's not very impressive. 

LISA: Wear it proudly. Wear it proudly. But our tribute, Wear  Blue Mile has become, I think a powerful part of race courses across the country. And when my husband John was killed, he was casualty number 5,000. And I tell you what, that made me so darn mad, and it's my husband John, is not a number. None of our fallen service members are numbers or boots on the ground.

lisa-hallett--she-her-_1_02-02-2023_151312: They're our friends. They're our neighbors. They're the coaches of our kids' teams. They're funny, they're smart. They have dreams, right? They're the very real people. And so the tribute Wear Blue Mile is an activation that's designed to honor our fallen service members in a way that humanizes who they were.

So we line a one mile stretch of race courses across the country from the Cowtown Marathon in Fort Worth, Texas, to rock and roll Nashville to San Francisco to dc. But we line a one mile stretch with dozens and sometimes hundreds of images of fallen service members. And these tribute posters feature their rank, their name, their date of sacrifice, their age at the time of sacrifice, and their beautiful images.

And they're placed in chronological order. And then it's followed by the community holding full-sized American flags in honor of each of these heroes. And I think about this often, not everyone can go the cemetery in Lafayette, California where my husband is buried. Most people won't have a chance to go to Arlington National Cemetery to pay their respects.

But when we build this tribute Wear Blue Mile, it's a chance for us to build the remembrance and the tribute right in the very communities that these men and women raise their right hand to serve. It's a chance for the community, our nation, who really is a grateful nation to say, I will never forget, and to show that with their actions to stay on side by side with our service members, Veterans and families have fallen in a way that says we will never forget.

And it's been a powerful way for us to operationalize remembrance, to build thoughtful community, and to again, make the choice to live inspired by the men and women who made the ultimate sacrifice on our behalf.

duane--_26_02-02-2023_161312: But again, there's a, the metaphorical aspect of going through this period of grief, and then at the end of that there are those that are there to support you. Like you go through the mile and looking at these pictures and experiencing and everyone there, especially those of us who serve in these current eras I was talking about know someone and often we've lost more after the deployments than we even did before. But then there's this idea of coming through that grief, to be supported in that grief. And I think that's a really amazing, poignant aspect of the whole program as well.

lisa-hallett--she-her-_1_02-02-2023_151312: Hmm. That's beautiful. I do, I love that metaphor. I think about this a lot in the Wear Blue community, nobody can run that race for you, right? You make a commitment to run a half marathon or a marathon as part of this Wear Blue family. Or if you're a part of our Gold Star race program, no one can run those miles with you.

And so metaphorically, or really you're learning to stand on your own. But not be alone. Yep. You're doing hard things. I see you, but don't never forget I carry this with you. And I think that's part of the magic. Yes. There's this powerful tribute display and the volunteers holding the American flags really this charge for us to live inspired. But for the steps of the run, the people passing through the mile become a part of our living memorial. And there's not a day that goes by that our service members, Veterans, families, have fallen, don't think about the friends and loved ones who are lost down range.

It is. It is a weight. It can be a joy, it's an inspiration. But for the steps that run that community, those thousands of runners join us in what we carry every day and for the steps that run carry that remembrance with us and maybe for us.

duane--_26_02-02-2023_161312: Yeah, no, I absolutely, I I appreciate that. And there's this idea of, there's these discreet events, right? the the tribute miles during these races, but another program. that Wear Blue does is, these frequent Saturday runs. And the way I look at it, but there's a concept to start in Europe, like the park runs where people just come together but that's another program that Wear Blue has in cities across the country.

LISA: This Saturday run is the lifeline of our organization. It is the gathering of service members, Veterans, survivors, their families, and the communities who support them with a circle of remembrance in which we speak the names, the guys and gals who passed away on that weekend since September 11th. And then we open it up for the communities to say the names of the service members they carry in their hearts and in their steps. And then we run or walk, it's self-paced movement and it's the shared, the syncopation of our breath together. Again, the shared goal, it's movement, and rather than stasis at the memorial, we become the memorial and we carry their names and stories and inspiration in our steps and all the benefits of movement, community, to create this place of remembrance belonging, and inspired living.

duane--_26_02-02-2023_161312: And so there's a number of different cities around the country that you have this and we'll put a link to the list and the show notes. But again, that's another way of pairing this physical effort running or walking, as you said, with this active remembrance. And again, as we talk about, you're never going to forget those that you've lost. I'm never gonna forget those that I've lost. But this is a way, like you said, to sort of be connected. there's some other programs,that wear blue. what are some of the other things that, that wear blue supports?

LISA: You know, I love that you asked because we are right on the brink of Women's History Month and every March Weir Blue Run member dedicates the month of March, our third month to honoring women in military service. And so throughout the month, we highlight these incredible women with an incredible love of country and an uncommon courage and tell their stories of service and sacrifice. But we close this month with an opportunity for us as a grateful nation to turn those words thank you for your service into tangible, meaningful action. And we invite everyone to join us in our no-cost event called the piestewa challenge and the  piestewa challenge is named in honor of specialist Lori Piestewa who was the first native American woman to give her life in combat on foreign soil, just this incredible woman and so March 23rd will mark the 20th anniversary of her passing. And so this year we take this final week of March and invite the community to form a team of up to eight individual and to commit to log 177 miles collectively as a team in honor of the 177 women who have given their lives and service to our country since September 11th, 2001.

And so it's our chance to form teams comradery, to celebrate women who have served. Does it be really intentional in speaking the names and learning the stories of the women who have sacrificed on behalf of all of us. 

duane--_26_02-02-2023_161312: And I think there's, that's an amazing opportunity. To raise awareness, again, I'm a member. Honestly, I'm a member of the pre 9/11 generation and the post 9/11 generation, cuz my career spanned, pre and post. But this is the most diverse racially gender ethnically like, you know, this generation of combat veterans is significantly more diverse, than previous generations. If a group is out there running for, women veterans in general, or particularly if somebody asks them, why are you doing this? That's an opportunity to say, Hey, women died in combat. Like, this is, not something that's just, my father who is Vietnam Veteran in his veteran hat. This gives an opportunity not just to remember them, but also to explain why we're doing this, to tell their stories to others who may not be familiar. 

lisa-hallett--she-her-_1_02-02-2023_151312: A hundred percent. Right. I, I mean, back to the, the idea of the tribute mile, to this idea of remembrance, like remembrance is an action, it's a verb. It's not passive. And so it is. I know, John, let me share, John, let us share these stories of women in military service and the incredible 177 were brave enough to serve and courageous enough to sacrifice on behalf of all of us.

duane--_26_02-02-2023_161312: Oh, absolutely. I am as a runner. Of course I am supportive of the work, but also as a Veteran and a service member and a family member of service members and veterans really value the work that you're doing and support it. If people wanted to find out more about Wear Blue, maybe get involved in some of these things, how can they do that?

lisa-hallett--she-her-_1_02-02-2023_151312: Great step one visit our website www.wearbluetoremember.org and find a Saturday run community near you. Commit to run a race. And of course, starting March 1st, register to build a team for our piestewa challenge. There's never a cost to participate and there's a link up in the right hand corner to purchase your own Wear Blue Run To Remember shirt.

And I remember when my kids were little and they would see somebody wearing a wear blue shirt and they'd shout, look, they're running for daddy. But the reality is, it's families have fallen carry the weight of loss, but our entire military and Veteran community really intimately know the meaning of sacrifice. And when someone chooses to put on a Wear blue Run to Remember shirt, they choose to remember. They choose to show their support for others, and they choose to live inspired by the courage of the service and sacrifice of American.

duane--_26_02-02-2023_161312: I think that  is wonderful. It is honorable, it is admirable. And I definitely will make sure that all the links to that will be in the show notes. Thank you so much for coming on the show.

lisa-hallett--she-her-_1_02-02-2023_151312: Duane, thanks for helping us tell our story and sharing the opportunity to join the Wear Blue Family.

Once again, we would like to thank this week's sponsor. PsychArmor is the premier education and learning ecosystem specializing in military culture content. PsychArmor offers an online e-learning laboratory that's free to individual learners as well as custom training options for organization.

You know, I'm not sure if it's because I have such an affinity for the way that Wear Blue does what they do, or if I carry my own memories of loss and grief. But this was a very powerful conversation that I was extremely honored to be able to have with Lisa.

There is something about her perspective on how she and her co-founder Erin O'Connor were able to not only find something that worked for them in the aftermath of their loss, but to be able to share that with. Listen, grief is hard and it doesn't go away. As Lisa and I were talking, I was remembering someone that I lost.

Sergeant Wolf, one of the 177 women that are honored by the efforts of Wear Blue, who also paid the ultimate sacrifice in 2009. I think about how me and my unit were dealing with her loss and the loss of so many others during that time. Well, half the world away, Lisa and her community were dealing with the loss of her husband and those that he served.

But I also started thinking about others that I've lost, that I've served with going all the way back to a buddy of mine, Joe Parks, who died in Germany on the night before Thanksgiving in 1994. There's a song that plays that will always remind me of him. And we're going on 30 years since he's been gone.

There've been more years since then than he had of life. And that's hard. As Lisa mentioned in the conversation, those who served in the military carry a burden of loss that many don't understand. It doesn't mean that we're all broken or constantly grief-stricken, but it's a shared bond that we all carry.

And grief can sneak up on you. As Lisa and I were talking before we started the interview, I mentioned how I have Sergeant Wolf's name on a memorial bracelet on my wrist, and I shared a bit of her story with. She suggested that we talk about it during the interview, and I hesitated, which Lisa graciously accepted of course, because I find that for me, I need to be prepared to talk about Sergeant Wolf.

I find that I have to know that it's coming rather than walking around the corner of being surprised by it. And there's nothing wrong with that anymore than there's anything wrong with being able and willing to tell the story of someone we lost at a moment's notice.

We all carried the burden of our grief in different ways. The other thing that I would like to briefly mention is, that there is power in emotion and there is power in sharing the stories of those who are lost. As Lisa said, her husband John was not a number, is not a number any more than Sergeant Wolf is not just a number included in the 177 women warriors that are honored by the  piestewa challenge. Their names are carved in stone on memorials, in cemeteries, but also on our hearts. The stories are what makes those numbers real. Even if those numbers sometimes overwhelm the stories.

Again, I had the honor of being able to briefly share a small portion of Sergeant Wolf's story with Lisa. Lisa had heard of her, had honored her during the tribute miles, but didn't know some of the details, didn't know the story that I knew. I had the gift of being able to share some of that with Lisa while she was also a recipient of the gift of knowing her story.

It is through the stories of those that we have lost, that their sacrifice lives on. George Elliot said, “Our dead are never dead to us until we have forgotten them.” And Wear Blue is how we can share their stories, not only to show that we have not forgotten them, but to ensure that others do not forget them as well.

So I hope that you appreciated this conversation with Lisa as much as I did. If you did, we would appreciate hearing from you. So if you do have some feedback, let us know. Drop a review on your podcast player of choice, or send us an email at info@psycharmor.org. We're always glad to hear from listeners both feedback on the show and suggestions for future guests.

For this week, PsychArmor resource of the week, I'd like to share the PsychArmor Course, Grief and Trauma, hosted by a friend and colleague, Dr. Shauna Springer explains that grief and trauma are different challenges and that they require different healing strategies. You can find a link to the resource in our show notes.

So thanks for taking the time to listen to this episode. Make sure to take a look at the show notes, which you can find in the podcast app, as well as on the PsychArmor website at www.psycharmor.org/podcast. While you're there, you can find hundreds of online training videos delivered by nationally recognized subject matter experts who are committed to educating the civilian community about military culture. All of these courses are free to individual learners. 

You wouldn't be listening if you didn't care. And it's that curiosity and passion for supporting service members, Veterans, and their families that we want to encourage and increase. Come back each week for another conversation and and make sure to engage with PsychArrmor on social media to let us know what you think about the show.

I'd like to express special thanks to Operation Encore and Navy Seahawk pilot Jerry Maniscalco for our theme song. Don't Kill the Messenger. This show was produced by Headspace and Timing, and all rights to the show remain reserved by PsychArmor. Much appreciation to the team at PsychArmor that makes this show happen. Carole Turner, Vice President of Strategic Communications, who keeps me on track, and is an outstanding guest coordinator and support and transcripts by Emma Atherall. Feel free to share the show. In fact, we request that you do. Make sure to let folks know where you heard it. Join us next time for another great episode. And until then, stay aware, get educated, and be well.